Heat Take Game One in Dramatic Fashion

By Jacob Allen
Wow. The Miami Heat just put on a show. Tonight I was a witness.  4th quarter domination is becoming the norm in South Beach. With the score tied the Heat went on a can't stop me, can't score on me, alley oopin dunk party to blow open and close out what seemed like a tight game (Q1-Q3)   in the same dominant fashion we've seen all throughout the playoffs.  These guys, simply stated, are the best players in the world.  Unimaginably good.  I can't see the Mavs even beginning to stop them.  If they somehow win a game or two, and I mean if, then its going to be because the Heat released the stranglehold, and just felt like closing the series out at home.

3's Muh Muh Make Me Happy

Dirk looked confused.  Kidd looked afraid.  Deshawn Stevenson was wagging around three fingers looking like Simple Jack every time he hit a three...his signature move...but thats about all he did.  Listen guy...we get it.  If your feet are behind the line it's an extra point.  We also get that you are the best wagger alive.  Seriously Deshawn how many times does LBJ have to put the hurt on you before you get the point that hes a king and your'e just a court jester?  Do we need to call Jay again?  Miami slowed the Mav's "potent" offense down, and they did it quite easily.  If there was any doubt about how good this group is at closing games, those doubts have been put to rest...permanently.  They close...and they close with Gucci style.  The Heat are going to win the chip...ushering in a "you better form your own SUPERTEAM or youre going to lose to us every single year" mentality that will change NBA hoopin for good.  Long live the King.

BEERS WIN! BEERS WIN!

by Matt Netzel
Top of the 7th and we're up 2. We need 2 outs, bases loaded. I'm out in left having a panic attack. One run in. FUCK! Look who's up next. Their 4 batter/Short stop. Easily best kid on the team. I KNOW we're losing this game for sure. I'm not too intense about losing. I'm not gonna go home and scream at my girlfriend or hit my dog, but at the same time that shit gets old. 4 batter strikes out swinging! I couldn't believe it. We were ecstatic! This team needed this win more than anyone knows. I mean when else are we gonna get to use our jump 5*?

I don't know what it was tonight. Was it my sliding catch to end the inning? Ridenour's strikeouts (including the game winner)? Tim, Jon, Lesnau, and Ed's clutch hitting at the bottom of the order? Mark's 2-run homer? Wild Steve jumping out of his shoes at short? George and Tadziu's heads-up base running scoring key runs? No. It was a team effort. We never lost our composure in the biggest of moments. Now I know what you're thinking; "what is it their first win?" And the answer is yes. It is. In over 2 years at least. It was bound to happen sooner or later, and with a capacity crowd on hand (like 6 for us and 4 for the other team), we put on a show.
There was our normal errors and dumb plays, (who swings on a 2-0 pitch? Me, that's who. Hey, bro I came here to swing), but we kept our heads in it, 'kept the D hard', and pulled down the W.

* Jump 5 - imagine the Michael Jordan Nike symbol. Now imagine two of those high five-ing. Feels fantastic!  (See Image)

NBA Finals: Turn Up the Heat

by Jacob Allen

Watching the introduction of the starting lineups.....it must be downright terrifying to be a Dallas Mav or a Mav fan right now. Maybe I'm jumping on a bandwagon, but maybe I'm just giving myself a reason to watch the NBA.  So put your seat belts on...here comes the NBA Finals.

Daaattsiiiiit!

"I take care of my ass pussy"

"That Didn't Even Have To Happen.....Bitch!!!"

...screams the crazy lady swinging a lawn chair at what looks like her mans ride.  He surely deserved it.

This lady, Latonya Dawson of Detroit, specifically states at the end of her chairs gone wild rage fest (4:51), "That didn't even have to happen...bitch".  Exactly.  Elin Woods doesn't have a damn thing on you.  Thank you crazy lady for cementing my opinion in general.  Thank you for losing it in front of a camera AND the cops...essentially telling me and the world that making sure "He don't do that again" is more important to you than a) legal trouble b) public humiliation and c) maintaining your equilibrium .  Did going Sybil on those windows have to happen?  Absolutely not.  Did it happen?  You bet it did.  Any female member of the crazy club that can find 1% rational behind this I demand an explanation.  Does it make you feel better or something?


Now if you are a dude, or around these parts a BRO (which we can assume most readers of this blog are), and you have ever had a girlfriend, wife, or significant other (again, I will assume you have)...then a certain element of this post is going to hit home. So the question I'm asking here is not IF women, in general, cross the crazy line. They do.  It's universally a given.  Don't believe me...women?   Find the nearest bro and ask him if he's ever been in a situation where his girlfriend went a little "crazy". The chuckle/giggle of an answer you just got means, "Trust me, you don't even want to know".  No the question is not IF, the question is WHAT...and specifically WHAT qualifies as going TOO far?

Is smashing a Caddy in the middle of Jefferson Ave. going too far?  As a human being instinct tells me to answer yes...but the depressing reality is that I have personally experienced worse. It blows the mind how many times I have watched my woman fly off the handle at my expense. Some worse than others...depending on how crazy the specific female is that I was dealing with at the time, but just because some were "worse" in no way implies that the others were "better". They are all bad...just some less worse than others. I mean just imagine if you saw some dude...in downtown Detroit...smashing his boo's ride with a beach chair. That video would be virally unparalleled. 3,000,000 + hits on YouTube within a week.  In a month and a half this video only has a shade over 100,000 hits because somewhere along the line it became socially OK for a girl to go completely bat shit crazy when she has her feelings hurt.  How is this fair?

Lets open this one up to the readers, but before I go I want to quiz any girl who is reading this.

"So let me get this straight.  You grabbed my cell phone while I was napping?  I wont even question if that is acceptable or not...because apparently it is.  So you sent a text message to my ex girlfriend not 1, but 2 girls before you in which you unjustly called her a bitch/skank for absolutely no reason?  When she responds aggressively...you wonder why and somehow this equates to me being a huge asshole and you trying to smoke me in the jaw?  All this before I wake up from the nap?"

Q:  What's up with that?

I would be very interested in hearing about your personal stories and experiences. Comments encouraged.

` hilary duff glamorOus outfit `

The 'Bloodworth' actress Hilary Duff recently revealed that her life changed a lot after marrying hockey player Mike Comrie last year. She said ‘It’s changed a lot; being married is a different thing. It's really exciting; we spent a lot of time together this year, which was nice. It's another year where a lot of big changes happened. I wrote two books, and we're remodeling a house right now’.

` sOuth beauty nayanathara `

` road pOle dancers `

` most glamorOus golfer natalie gulbis `

Walmart Wolverines

Things I'm Bringing Back Pt. 2

By Jacob Allen
Not as if there is any chance of getting caught without mentioning this, but the original "Things I'm Bringing Back" post was not mine. Getting that off of my chest does not feel as rewarding as I thought it would.

Credit Here Goes to WildSteve

Top 10 things I'm Going To Bring Back:


10:  Things I'm Bringing Back
9:  Jncos/Pipes
8:  The Bowl Cut
7:  Altavista
6:  Bleeping
5:  Airwalks
4:  AOL
3:  Umbros
2:  The Hamster Dance
1:  Pogs

Tressel Resigns From Ohio State

COLUMBUS, Ohio - Monday morning was not much of a holiday for national football media as news came out that Jim Tressel resigned as head coach of The Ohio State University. Luke Fickell will serve as the head coach for 2011-12 and a new head permanent head coach will be in place for the 2012 season.

"In consultation with the senior leadership of the Board of Trustees, I have been actively reviewing matters attendant to our football program, and I have accepted Coach Tressel's resignation," said Ohio State President E. Gordon Gee. "The University's enduring public purposes and its tradition of excellence continue to guide our actions."

The Buckeyes are in the middle of a NCAA investigation that stemmed from the illegal trade of merchandise for discounted tattoos that resulted in several suspensions including a five game one for Tressel himself. The depth of the investigation has deepened with car sales getting a watchful eye from the NCAA as well.


Monday morning proved to be the end of the era when Tressel decided to call it a career with the Buckeyes.

Well, well, well. Look who has the dirtiest program in the nation. I'm actually surprised he stepped down this fast. This asshole is so fucking smug, I really thought he would take this to court. Really make a huge deal about it. Probably cry in front of the camera and blame the media. "Just don't take it out on the kids", he'd plead. But, no. He actually did what a real man would and accepted responsibility for his actions. Very uncharacteristic, Jim.

And excuse me, Thad Matta, is there anything you'd like to say before your entire athletic department is investigated? Any particular reason you've been getting the top players in the nation every year, and they only stay a year or two before they bounce for the pros? I believe I brought this to light back in mid February...hmmm. I digress. I just love watching this whole program implode.

Kuester Fired: Dont Let the Door Hit You....Chump

In news that shouldn't surprise anyone, the Pistons have reportedly fired head coach John Kuester. With the franchise's sale to Tom Gores expected to become official this week, the team has decided to start the roster's rebuilding now.

With a lockout pending July 1, the Pistons have about a month to make as many moves as they can, the first of which being a coaching change. The team will also conduct its selection in the upcoming 2011 NBA Draft being held June 23. Reports have surfaced that Detroit could package its No. 8 first-round pick to the Cleveland Cavaliers, who would also absorb the contract of Rip Hamilton via a trade exception.

Kuester is already being linked to the L.A. Lakers, who could hire him as an assistant under newly-named head coach Mike Brown. The Pistons, meanwhile, are believed to be interested in both Mike Woodson and Bill Laimbeer. Woodson and Kuester both served as assistants in Detroit under Larry Brown during the 2003-04 season. Laimbeer has no NBA head coaching experience but has served as an assistant with the Minnesota Timberwolves the past two years after coaching Detroit's former WNBA franchise, the Shock.

Rip Hamilton Is Rumored To Be On His Way Out....Again?

This time It's apparently in a 3 team MEGA DRAFT DAY DEAL for the ages.  Wait...I'm confused.  Isn't Rip always on his way out of Detroit or involved in some sort of trade rumor.  Let me answer that one.  Yes, he is.  I am less confident that this trade will go through than I am confident it will....or any trade for rip will ever go though.

It really is a double edged sword because sure he gets paid too much and is on the decline, but has everybody forgotten him as a/the KEY and i mean KKEEEEEYYYY part of a team that won me....and i guess the rest of the city...an NBA championship?

All this hype around the Heat and all the glitz and glamor of the NBA finals....well that was us year after year and in 2004 we took that shit down.  Personally...I think Rip deserves what ever Rip wants.  He won me a title....and for that I am forever indebted to him.  Just like I am to Ben, just like I am to Tayshaun, and just like I would still be to Rasheed if he were still hoopin professionally.  Chauncey is a whole different story.  He was the glue and the lone superstar on that squad.  We owe him more than the others....but I still hold onto hope that ill see #1 suit up in red white and blue again.

Back to Rip.....Here are his top ten greatest playoff performances:

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No. 10 -- Game 6 at Miami In The 2006Eastern Conference Finals
No. 9 -- Game 4 at Milwaukee In The 2004 Eastern Conference Playoffs 1st Round
No. 8 -- Game 5 Versus MIL In The 2006 Eastern Conference Playoffs 1st Round
No. 7 -- Game 2 Versus Orlando in The 2003 Eastern Conference Playoffs 1st Round
No. 6 -- Game 6 at Indiana In The 2005 Eastern Conference Semifinals
No. 5 -- Game 4 at Orlando In The 2008 Eastern Conference Semifinals
No. 4 -- Game 6 at San Antonio in The 2005 NBA Finals
No. 3 -- Game 6 Versus Indiana in The 2004 Eastern Conference Semifinals
No. 2 -- Game 3 Versus The L.A. Lakers In The 2004 NBA Finals
...and No. 1 -- Game 5 at Indiana In The 2004 Eastern Conference Finals

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Rip, if you do get traded (or when you get traded) before you go...thank you. I speak on behalf of myself, my dtown bros, and the GREAT city of Detroit. You gave it your all for so many years. We wish you the best. We are all confident that you will stick your next gig like you stick your mid range J.