Effin Inge!

Do I really have to go over what just happened in tonight's game? Fuck! Okay, well if you haven't heard; Brandon Inge blew it. Just like Marino did. Final out in extra innings and Inge gets a routine grounder and throws it to....Second?!? Santiago had no idea this bitch was coming and he couldn't get to the bag on time. 99 times out of 100 that's a routine play at first. Ask any little league coach. Jahonny Peralta couldn't believe his beady little eyes. If there's two things I've taken away from life and can pass on to my grown up sperm it's Laces Out, and Make the easy play at first! This Brandon Inge show has to stop. I mean why does Leyland insist on putting this dude in for defensive purposes when he does shit like that then says he wasn't wrong after the fact. News flash hombre, it was wrong cuz you lost the game! It's time to let Betemit be the everyday third baseman, and package Inge and Rayburn in a trade for a bag of bats. Dude's lucky this wasn't the playoffs otherwise Santiago woulda gone Ray Finkle on his ass!

"Ohhhhh Jackson!!"-Weekend Recap

Between witnessing a Tigs' victory at CoPa for the first time this year, watching Scotty fail the first "Prove it" challenge, day drinking and moving it like Bernie; I'd say this weekend was just what the doctor ordered for Papa WildSteve.

 And how bout them Tigers right? The biggest series of the season thus far and the Tigers sweep in dramatic fashion. Oh, and not to mention the much-anticipated return of everyone's favorite buck-seventy-five hitter: Brandon Inge.

Now, I get it. Inge has been a Tiger since we tied the record for being the worst team in baseball history, and I admire his loyalty to the franchise. But the dude's got a cult following of bros that come straight out of the woodwork when he hits his 2nd homer of the year. Like people I thought I de-friended on the book years ago post their first status this fiscal quarter suggesting that Inge haters filashe them...but I can assure these clowns that even a blind squirrel finds a nut. I digress.

The big story of the weekend is not the HJ Richie Rich got in a parking lot, but the STUPID play Austin Jackson made to save the game, and the sweep of the Tribe on Sunday. More specifically, the AWESOME call on it by our very own, one Rod Allen:

"OHHHH JACKSON!!" would be worth about 20 drinks if we were playing the Rod Allen drinking game! Speaking of which; I propose a September 10th Rod Allen Drinking Game Party/Live Blog at The Future. All I wanna know is...who's comin with me??

I See You Delmon (live blog from Comerica Park)

Can it be?

Yes!

Newly acquired Delmon Young just went yard against his former team in his first at bat as a Tiger.

Now granted he probably took BP off this dude this morning before he had to move from one clubhouse to the other. But I see you big fella...

7:59 PM - MdotNetz: "This grown man is dressed as the after effects of a bestiality session between Magglio and Winnie the Pooh. Except this guy has way less teeth."

8:06 PM - This fella also brings his own glove to a game. You're a grown ass man bro...

8:07 PM - Biggy Bagel wins the Dunkin Donut race





8:39 PM
I see you Avila...

8:46 PM
I SEE YOU AVILA!!! Avila hits a triple and is a homer shy of the cycle....

8:49 PM - Chick vomits in her lap. Great start to the week, sweetheart.

8:58 PM - The wave picks up steam. Did it really take an hour and 58 minutes for the women and children to get bored?

9:07 PM - Not standing up for Jim Thome's 600th home run. Did Tiger fans forget that this guy consistently kills us every year, let alone hit the go-ahead shot?

9:12 PM - MdotNetz: I realize the guy dressed up as Tigger from earlier may have down syndrome. It's a 95% chance. I shake my head in disgust with myself.

9:14 PM - Rayburn goes yardsale. 25 cent coney dogs at the A&W in Clawson tomorrow. Followed immediately by a trip to Black Lotus Brewery. I know how my Tuesday is gonna play out.

9:42 PM -MdotNetz: Rally Cap time! The 16 year old in front of me follows suit. I'm so trendy.

10:15 PM - MdotNetz: 0-8 for the games that we've attended in 2011. 8-0 on not catching a stray bullet. #breakingeven.

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Awww Penis!

I just got home from buying a buck 30 in booze for my houseboat getaway this weekend and this is what I happen to come across. I didn't even catch whose on the bump but whoever it was aint happy about the sac bunt. I think given the proper context, "aww penis" could be my new go-to line.

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Carlos Guillen: A Tragic Hero

... Goin in where WildSteve left off. That's how The Rock and Sock Connection does it partna!



Well since Coach D is gonna throw around the term "tragic hero" ever so loosely and in poor context, why can't I? Guillen has been hurt since forever and he comes in and provides the spark this ball club needs. Taking no prisoners up there. Carlos throws some sweet chin music on Weaver after blasting off on Sunday. Obviously the media is up in arms about this and I don't see anything wrong with it. Sometimes you just need to shut the fuck up or somebody will shut you up. If I were Guillen I would've grabbed my balls and C-walked the bases on that red mother fucker.

You think this a game? No, you pussy, this is a pennant race and were not goin' down without a bench-clearing brawl. And if I was Avila, I'd be serving up some knuckle sandwiches with a side of French cries on Weaver's grill. I would make sure Weaver is shitting his teeth until his next start. Just grab that effeminate mop and pull him in for a dozen haymakers. I bet you Verlander completes that no-no with some bar fight mentality adrenaline.

Fister/Furbush...nuff said

I'm not overly excited by this trade as much as I am by how fun this is to say. Fist her fur bush has got to be one of the funniest sounding trades I've ever heard. All over the radio today it was reffered to as the "Fister/Furbush Deal." I LQTM every time I heard it! I mean, as a true Tigs fan I'm excited we got a starter and didn't pay an outlandish price for him. Guy's stuff isn't bad but that's about as deep as I'll get (pun intended). This did, however, get me to thinking of some other trades in sports that have had some pretty awesome names:

1. Fister/Furbush- Just can't help but smile at this one

2. Jackson, Coke for Granderson - It's like Granderson's an alcoholic... Jacks n' coke for all!

And, well thats about as far as my recent memory will go, but I'm sure there's more I just cant bring into my brain at the moment. Got any good ones? Fuckin share em!

But hey on a higher note from the weekend (since you won't get a plethora of blogs today due to the string of events leading up to Monday: a Wildcats hockey brawl, 2 nights in a the Sterlingfest beer tent, 10,000 CC's pumped through an IV into yours truly, and running the Warrior Dash moderately hungover) you guys see my boy Guillen clown Weaver?

..Not at the table Carlos....

They call him "two face Scherzer"

How I've never noticed this before is beyond me, but the difference in eye colors is unsettling. If you cover part of his face with your hand he looks like two different people. One side looks like Bradley Cooper and the other looks like Woody Harrelson. The brown-eyed side makes him look slightly fatter. So weird/gross, but I can't look away. Does this guy just pull mad pussy from this or what? Not only is he a big league pitcher, but women probably can't look away from his eyes. By the time they notice his eyes aren't novelty contacts, he's already put the spell on them and it's go time. Also shouldn't Scherzer be slightly better since he has the ability to use his goggly-eyed wizardry against batters? Meh, just chalk this one up as one of my hungover ramblings. #horrible blogging

Justin Verlander Doesn’t Bother Telling Parents Difference Between No-Hitter And Perfect Game

DETROIT—Following a phone call home Monday, Tigers starting pitcher Justin Verlander said that he hadn’t even bothered to explain the difference between a no-hitter and a perfect game to his parents, claiming that going into the various details would be more trouble than it was worth.


“Obviously one’s better than the other—one is perfect—but no matter how many times I try to tell them that a no-hitter is also a pretty amazing accomplishment, they just don’t get it,” Verlander told reporters. “What’s worse is that they pretend they’re really proud, and in some ways they are, but I can tell by the tone of their voice that it’s forced. I know if I told them I threw a perfect game they would be genuinely ecstatic, even though they have no clue what that means. They just know the word ‘perfect’ is before ‘game.’


“When I eventually told them that, yes, a perfect game is ultimately more impressive, they said, ‘Have you ever tried doing that?’” Verlander continued. “I love them like crazy, but sometimes I don’t know why I bother trying to share my life with them.”


A frustrated Verlander, who threw his second career no-hitter last Saturday against the Toronto Blue Jays, said his parents Richard and Kathy had asked if he would be receiving some kind of promotion for his accomplishment, if this meant he would finally be allowed to hit during the games, if he would have received a promotion had he thrown a perfect game instead, why he “slacks off” and throws some pitches slower than others, and whether or not he needed any money.


When Verlander once again explained that it is very hard to throw a no-hitter and that every pitcher dreams of throwing one, his mother and father reportedly said, “That’s nice, Justin. We love and support you no matter what you do.”


“I should have hung up the phone right there, but instead I brought up how proud Coach Leyland was of me, and then they started in with, if he’s so proud, maybe he should let me pitch more than once every five days,” Verlander said. “At least my brother gets what I do. He’s cool.”


Several times throughout the conversation, an exasperated Verlander attempted to explain that just because a ball is hit to the second baseman doesn’t mean an actual hit is recorded—an explanation his father rejected out of hand, insisting that it “sure looked like a hit to [him].” In addition, Verlander’s mother asked her son if the one walk he allowed was indicative of a larger problem he wasn’t telling his parents about.


Verlander’s mother also questioned whether her son was happy.


“She thought I looked too serious out there and that it seemed like I wasn’t having any fun,” Verlander said. “I told her that I’m fine, but then she went on about how I shouldn’t be embarrassed if I wanted to start over with a more fulfilling career. Then she said it might help to talk to my uncle who used to play baseball.”


“Christ, he played one year of JV in high school,” Verlander added.


Verlander, who signed a five-year, $80 million contract extension in 2010, told reporters his parents had never really understood his job as a starting pitcher for the Detroit Tigers, and said they would only be truly proud of him if he played for the New York Yankees.


“Their eyes light up at the mention of the New York Yankees. My mom will say something about how Dad just read in an article that the Yankees want to improve their pitching, and then she’ll ask if that’s something I could apply for,” Verlander said. “Over and over she says how it can’t hurt to call them. And that the next time we play the Yankees, I should make my presence known by giving them my business card, a cover letter, and a resumé.”


“I tried to tell her that the Tigers were a really good baseball team with a rich history, but then she asked if it was as rich as the Yankees’,” Verlander added with a sigh. “It’s really fucking annoying when she’s right.”


Before Verlander hung up the phone, his mother reportedly asked her son if he was eating properly, and if she could just tell her friends that he threw a perfect game anyway.

Define "Alcoholic"

LAKELAND, Fla. (AP) - Tigers General Manager Dave Dombrowski said last week that Cabrera would undergo treatment before arriving. Tigers position players reported on Feb. 18.

Cabrera didn’t deny that he had an alcohol problem, but said he was willing to undergo treatment and the Tigers have been working with doctors to find a solution. Cabrera said the incident was out of the ordinary and that he had been working on his treatment in Detroit and his hometown in Venezuela.

He refused to say he is an alcoholic.

“I have it under control,” Cabrera said. “It was just a bad decision. I plan to continue with treatment. I made a mistake this time, and all I can do is continue treatment.”

Ok, here's my take on this. I'm not expert on baseball, nor am I an expert on substance abuse. I am, however smart enough to see that the two often go hand in hand. There is something about these guys that they just love being buzzed. I think I can take it a step further and say they are obsessed with doing things to the extreme. Do you know how extreme you have to be to hit/throw an 85+ MPH anything? I've tried, and I simply stopped giving a shit literally minutes later. Just not that extreme.

Now I realize that there is a difference between using and abusing a substance, but you can't tell me that when a guy is going up to bat and he has a dip the size of a roll of quarters in his jaw, that he isn't abusing the substance. You can't tell me that a 175 lb (insert steroid junkie name here) didn't abuse the juice to become a solid 2 fiddy. Leyland smokes enough squares in the dugout that, if it was an enclosed area, the entire team would have second-hand lung cancer by the end of June.

Look, Miggy likes scotch, not because he's an alchi, but because scotch is fucking fantastic. They dude is over the top extreme. His competitive nature shows that. His passion with his family(albeit unnecessary to go as far as to lay a hand on a woman, which is pretty fucked in itself, but I'll never fully understand Hispanics. Completely different blog topic.) shows that. Obviously the guy goes about things the wrong way. Baseball is all he knows. Social and ethical norms aren't exactly this guy's forte. I'm sure educationally speaking the man isn't completely developed yet. He can't hold a press conference without a translator for fear of saying the wrong thing. I watch the guy on Tigers post-game on the regular. He speaks just fine.    

So cut the guy some slack. He's only got two strikes, and this is baseball after all.